"Honey."
He spoke her name softly, and she could
tell he was trying not to cry. "I'm sorry."
"Me, too,"
she answered, determined to hold back
her own tears. She had wept enough in the privacy of her own dorm
room, and she wasn't about to let him know just how devastated
she really was. She took a deep breath and tried to keep her
voice steady as she turned away from him. "And just so you
know, I'm not going to tell anyone what happened." She felt
more than heard the almost imperceptible sigh of relief that
belied his response.
"I never
thought you would." He gently took her
arm and turned her to face him. "I know you won't believe
this, Honey, but I will always love you."
"I know."
The tears finally came, and she let
him pull her to him in what was ironically their first, and only,
embrace. "I just can't...."
He stroked
her back. "I know."
She took a
deep breath and pulled away from him.
There
were no words that could express what she wanted to say, no
thoughts that could adequately convey her emotions. She gave him
a watery smile, then she turned and walked out of the room.
Three years had
passed since that day, and she knew that her
friends and family would say she had yet to look back. Within a
month, she had been, to all appearances, comfortably ensconced in
her new dorm room as a transfer student at her mother's alma
mater, with a new life, a new major, even a new name. For all
intents and purposes, Honey had died the day her world had been
shattered for the last time, and Madeleine had taken her place.
The last strains of
the music faded away, and they were
replaced with the sounds of someone clapping. She looked up with
a smile as she closed the folder of sheet music and stood up from
the piano. She quickly slipped the folder into the backpack she
had left on a chair in the small practice room. "I'm sorry
I've kept you waiting, Bob. I lost track of the time."
"I've only just
gotten here," he assured her,
bending down to kiss her cheek. He grinned. "Besides, I'm
used to you being caught up in your music."
She smiled
automatically, hoping that she was reading more
into his statement than was really there. "I'll try to do
better in the future, I promise."
He took her backpack
from her and looked at her in surprise.
"I was only teasing, Maddy."
"I know," she
answered softly. She shook her head.
"I just don't know what's wrong with me today."
"Aren't you feeling
well?" he asked solicitously.
Vaguely reassured by
the genuine concern on his face, she
reached over to squeeze his hand. "I think I'm just tired.
That's all. I didn't sleep too well last night."
He wrapped his arm
around her, and she leant up against him.
Even though they had been dating for almost two years, it still
surprised her just how naturally such gestures had become a part
of their relationship and how right they felt.
She stood
still for a moment, drawing comfort from his embrace, then spoke
quietly. "I had another dream about them."
"Oh?" He set the bag
down, and then led her back to
the piano bench, where he gently pulled her down to sit beside
him.
She looked at him
gratefully and laced her fingers with his.
He was the only person on campus who knew anything about her
past, let alone actually known the group of people that had once
been so dear to her. She would never forget the day she had told
him the story of the past few years, and she knew that she would
always remember that how he had understood, even when she had
told him the entire story of her relationship with Brian.
"I suppose it should
have been a happy dream," she
told him. "But it wasn't. It was the summer I turned
fourteen." Despite the sadness she felt from memories the
dream had brought to her mind, she smiled. "The summer after
I first met you."
He smiled
half-heartedly, then when she was silent, he spoke.
"You don't know how badly I wish we had never had to move to
California when we did. If only Mother hadn't interfered..."
Madeleine shook her
head. "No, Bob. I really wish you had
never had to go through a custody battle, but in the long run,
for your sake, I'm glad your dad didn't bring you to
Sleepyside." She closed her eyes in feeble protest against
the tears that were welling up. "After all, after everything
that happened to us, I'm glad that you weren't a part of the
whole nightmare."
He held her tight.
"I just wish I'd been able to prevent
it all to start with."
"What could you have
done?" she asked him softly.
"None of us knew about either Brian or Trixie's
relationships, and we certainly had no idea that Jim knew what he
knew, or even that there was anything for him to know."
"Have you heard from
any of them at all lately?"
She shook her head.
"Well, Jim, of course, but he's
always so busy with work that we never get a chance to really
talk anymore."
"How does
he like working with your
dad?"
"Honestly? He claims
he enjoys it, but...." she
trailed off, pausing for a moment. "I guess it's just that I
never quite managed to believe that he really wanted to switch to
business instead of finishing his education degree." She
wiped her eyes with his handkerchief. "He should
be
working to build his school, not stuck in a stuffy office in
Dad's corporation."
Bob idly stroked her
hand with his thumb, even as he pulled
her closer to him. "Sometimes, your goals change when your
world changes," he reminded her softly.
"I know," she
admitted. "And I'm not blaming
him. How could I? I was supposed to be a detective, not a French
major minoring in music."
"But you found your
niche, Maddy. I know you focused on
music when you first came here only because it helped you forget
for a while, but that doesn't change the fact that you're really
good at it."
Her heart warmed at
the earnestness in his voice, and she
smiled. "You have to say that."
"But I'd say it
anyway, because it's true," he
assured her quickly.
"I am glad you think
so," she told him. "And
I'm glad you never mind listening to me." She squeezed his
hand. "I'm not talking just about my playing, either."
"Always, Maddy," he
replied. "I love you, and I
will always be here to listen when you need an
ear."
"I love you, too."
Her insecurities of a few moments
earlier had vanished when she had realized what was truly
bothering her, and she knew that she really meant what she said.
She moved closer to him, and he leaned towards her, gently
brushing her lips with a kiss. A feeling of warmth flowed through
her veins, and her eyes filled with tears. He had been so patient
with her for so long, listening to her and understanding just why
she so often felt and reacted the way she did.
He lightly brushed
the tears away from her eyes. "I know
it's hard, honey. But somehow, we have to make peace with the
past, so that we can have an unshadowed future."
Honey. It was a
simple term of endearment, and she was certain
that he wasn't even aware that he had said it. Her tears began to
flow even harder as she realized that no matter how hard she had
struggled to become Madeleine, she missed being Honey: the Honey
she had been when she had first met Bob in Arizona, then again
when they had met again in New York City only days before the
mother he hadn't seen in years had begun her fight for custody.
She would never again be that innocent, she knew, but he was
right. Somehow, they had to make peace with the past before they
could focus on their future. "How?" she whispered.
"How do I do it?"
He gently rested his
head against hers. "Not you, Maddy.
US. I'll be with you every step of the way."
She squeezed his
hand. "I won't be able to do it without
you. I can't do it alone."
"You won't have to,"
he promised. "I'll make
sure of that."
"I've got to face
them all again, don't I?" She bit
her lip. "At least we know where Mart and Di are."
He hugged her to
him. "We may have to wait for a school
break before we can go to Minnesota, but we'll do it."
"It may take us that
long to find the others." She
smiled tremulously. "Somehow, I don't see Mother telling me
Trixie went."
"It doesn't matter,"
he said confidently. "This
isn't the first time you've tracked down missing people, and I'll
help you. We'll even find Dan."
"We can really do
this," she whispered.
He nodded. "Yes, we
can. We will."
He picked up her backpack and slung it over his shoulder.
She put her hand in his and allowed him to lead her away from the
piano, but then she reached out and put her arms around him. "I love
you."
He leaned his head
against hers. "I love you, too, Maddie."
Author's
Notes: This story surprised me in a lot of ways, not the least of
which is the fact that it takes this universe in an entirely different
direction than what I had originally envisioned. The title,
Chanson d'Espoir, is French for "Song of Hope." As usual, thanks
to Cyndi for previewing and support.
